Saturday, April 23, 2011

Living Out Loud-

I read recently an article in Vogue about the singer Rihanna and at the very end of the article she said something that really, really struck me.

Rihanna: Living Out Loud

"people still think pop star equals role model, but it's almost impossible to walk that line. I've struggled with it and have come to the conclusion that I can only live my life for me. I definitely want to help and teach girls whenever I can, but then there is the character that I have to play in my videos to tell stories. It's art. And a lot of the parts that I play aren't necessarily what I stand for in real life. But it's hard to differentiate that sometimes."

I really get that.

I think I quit art- I never said I quit but I quit- because what I wanted to be spending my time on and what I 'ought to be' spending my time on became different. I gave into the 'ought.'
And since "quitting" I have spent nearly 14 years trying to figure out 'who' I am and what role I'm trying to play all the while denying that I quit.

Tied into that is a need for permission. I can't quite define it but I find that I just say "I can't" without thinking about it and if I really want to do something I find that I ask permission first - which puts my husband in an odd spot. He isn't denying me or wanting to say yes or no and he doesn't quite get why I ask - and he certainly doesn't ask before he does something!

I've been stirring over this for nearly three weeks.
I haven't quite decided what exactly I'm going to do about it-

but I'm trying to work out two things. One, admitting when I'm doing something because of some un-acknowledged feeling of "should" and two giving myself permission to do things I want to do.

And so, Ms. Rihanna... you may struggle with how you represent to young girls, but this middle aged woman thanks you for being honest and using words she could understand.


Dee said...

I hope you make a decision that works for you!There's nothing wrong with trying something else.


Marydon said...

Rhianna did make a very good statement ... we all should just be ourselves. Look at how wonderful you are sweetie.

Have a beautiful weekend ~