Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Road-tripping with adoptees

So Little Hawk came home a year ago in April.  So he's been a member of our family for 14 months.  And he was amazing about it.  His foster mother said good-bye, and I don't know what she said exactly because I don't really speak Korean and Little Hawk was handed to my husband and we got into the van and left.  He took a look around, gave a long sigh and a shudder and fell asleep on Tim and has been awesome ever since.  I thought, oh- he's in shock and he'll grieve when we get home.  That didn't happen, so I thought "okay.  He'll freak out in about 6 months."  Still didn't happen.

But what he does do- he counts heads like a German Shepherd.  Every morning he checks, does he see Daddy's keys?  Daddy's phone?  Sure signs that dad is in the house- and then goes outside to check the driveway for Daddy's car.  There is a celebration every afternoon when the kids get off the bus and he greets them and then points them out to me by name.  Sort of "look mom I found them!"

And now that we've been on the road for 2 weeks he does this with new intensity.  Every time one of the kids leaves the house he gets agitated, and any time my husband leaves Little Hawk has a full on meltdown. And so I see his adjustment working its way out.  One of our ski friends has a 12 year old son (fast as anything on skis) who is adopted from China.  He is pretty stable except he has severe separation anxiety.  It is heart breaking because my husband has no idea the extent to which it kills Little Hawk to have him running errands or something without him - and lets face it - there are times we all just want to run out because it will only take a minute and if we take a kid, even just one, that minute gets multiplied exponentially.  And in fairness, my husband really does try to give Little Hawk lots of daddy time.  I do worry that he is going to grow up with a sense of guilt, that it was his fault he lost his foster family.  I guess we will have to try to talk about that when he's a little bit bigger.

I've never noticed this with Bitsy.  As long as she is with one person she's connected to, she is usually pretty happy, although she'll ask about the others.  And she'll go to ski school and day care pretty easily if it looks fun and we don't leave her too long.  Mostly it comes out for Bitsy at the end of the day.  When she gets tired she wants either mom or dad, usually mom because I'm primarily the one around.  Which is not to say, if we are both in the house she won't be in daddy's lap, she just wants to know where I am.  This would make overnights away from kids absolutely impossible except that we've recently found a young woman that all the kids love and feel safe with.  And so I try to make sure I only leave once a year, and that it works out for her to have the littles.  But in truth, I've left twice this year, once for a ski weekend with my husband and once for a funeral.

Dragon - who knows.  I'm trying to objective but I'm irritated with Dragon.  (what is new right?)  While waiting to head to Timberline this morning we had the Disney channel on for the littles and they had a clip of The Tigger Movie.  Dragon said, "oh this is the movie where Tigger goes to find his family."  So I looked at him and said, "and what happens?"  He answered "Tigger learns he doesn't have a family."
- Right. That is what you'd get out of that movie Dragon.
Tiger looks at his brother and in true Tiger fashion wrinkles his brow and nose and says "No- his family is his friends" in that "duh" voice.  Dragon just looks at Tiger like he's crazy.  I'm so sick of Dragon's issues.

1 comment:

delia hornbook said...

Bless you, im not sure what to write here except you and your husband are doing such a brilliant job at raising your children you should be very proud of yourselfs. dee xx