Friday, November 1, 2013

sneaking lying repeats, what is it about elementary school?

So Dragon was hard to parent when he was small. Like from the minute I met him through about 5th grade.  He really came into his own in 5th.  Now he's in 6th and he has his moments but he's settled down a lot.
Just in time for Bitsy to take over.
Bitsy is now the reason we lock the pantry. It used to be Dragon, who would sneak in and take a weeks worth of potato chips and hide them in his room and leave the wrappers under his bed or in his backpack.  Now it is Bitsy.  When I was away I left the pantry stocked up on snack foods for their lunchboxes and I bought fruit snacks at Costco.  Imagine a Costco sized box of fruit snacks.  Those are treats.  I do not usually buy those.  But you know, I was away and I wanted the kids to have some things they do not usually have.  So I bought fruit snacks.  And Klondike Bars for desert.  And garlic bread to go with dinner, 8 loaves.  Odd, the garlic bread is still all in the freezer.  We'll eat some this weekend as Tim is away.  We don't eat it when he's home because it has butter - the whole "dairy is evil thing" (yeah, I'm not *quite vegan. He is.  I was for 6 months. He made the mistake of buying me a carrot cake from the Carrot Tree with cheese cake icing for my birthday, it was good, and he lost me to the dark side.)
I digress.
I heard from the babysitter that a stash of fruit snack wrappers was found under Bitsy's bed while I was gone.  I heard from one of my other kids that they got fruit snacks in their lunch once, and then they were gone... sadly this caused the babysitter not to take Bitsy with her to play at Kidsburg.  Instead she left her with K who had homework to do.  That is another story.  I am not sure how I feel about that.  Yes, consequences are consequences but when dealing with a child who is going through what I know will be a very *long stage of lying and stealing and hoarding and lying some more I am not sure that the babysitter is helping me or the child here. (and K had homework to do. She shouldn't have been babysitting. I was paying her.)
Last week I was back home, and on Tuesday Bitsy turned 7 years old.  We do presents in the morning. Getting ready to catch the bus I found her presents in her school backpack and took them out.  We do not take our presents to school because it is against school rules.  Also, there is a kid in Bitsy's class who asks the other kids for their stuff.  So see, Bitsy isn't the only one with "wanting" issues.  Wednesday I took a bag out of Bitsy's backpack that had Bitsy's presents and MLyon's ipod in it.  I am not thrilled to be policing backpacks.  I had to do this for Dragon.  I resented it.  I was not always able to shield him from my resentment.
This isn't just because they are adopted.  But I feel like because they are adopted it is "more."  It is more often, the stage is longer, it is more.  The non adoptees will snitch a sweet snack or a cookie or something here and there but they don't hoard them.  I do not worry about them inviting roaches into my house.
And do not tell me to just get rid of the sweets and snacks.  A.) the other kids went trick or treating last night too and should be allowed to have some of their sugar despite the fact that I know Bitsy will eat all hers in a day and start eating everybody else's.  B.) Teachers use sugar as rewards at school so they get it there, and come home with it. C.) other people (hello grandparents?) constantly give the kids sugar to bring home. D.) Dragon started stealing money to go buy his own once he figured out what a vending machine was.
I think what gets me is the frequency of the offense and the fact that they never own it and they are never sorry.  I stole once when I was 5.  A Raggedy Anne ring that was on a child's night stand when I was playing at her house.  I got caught.  My mother was mortified.  I had to give it back.  I don't think I stole again.  I worry because I do not see Dragon and Bitsy learning this lesson.
And frankly, Dragon wore me out.  I am not looking forward to dealing with this for the next 4 or 5 years with Bitsy.  And then Little Hawk after her.

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