Monday, July 29, 2013

T-shirt Blanket

Actually, its a golf shirt blanket.

I've been sneaking this project in when my husband is out of town... for several years (maybe 7 or 8?) he has taken his business to two big trade shows each year, one in Florida and one in Las Vegas.  And each time the team makes up shirts to take with them so they all look "together." And then of course they wear them for how ever long... and then they get old but there is always a new one coming right?  But what to do with these old shirts.  It seems weird to take them to "Fish" the locally run organization that takes in (and repairs even) clothing, linens and food for locals in need.  It seems weird because the shirts are so "branded" there is a logo on the front, usually one on the sleeve and sometimes one on the back. It also seems weird because this is his small business he's built up so to me it is like taking in something monogramed with his name on it and seeing other people wear it around town.  Too personal.

So I decided to make a blanket.


t-shirt blanket photo 2013-07-09171253_zps5f0621ad.jpg
getting started
I am not using a pattern.  I am cutting up the shirts into rough square//rectangle shapes and sewing them together into rough square/rectangle shapes.  A proper quilter would most likely create a standard size or a least square the edges but I'm not that worried about it.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Cheerios

Controversy.
Really? I cannot believe people are being ugly about this.

I stumbled across this on Penelope's blog Foster to Forever
The commercial has been around a while, on Youtube I saw the post date as May 2013.

If, like me, you haven't heard.
Cheerios has a new add:



The comments on Youtube were disabled because of racist and other ugly posts.

Again really?  It is cute.  Like really cute.

And so, because I don't know any other way to show my support to Cheerios, the kids and I went out and bought a cart full of Cheerios today.  We don't eat a lot of Cheerios.  I tend to make oatmeal, or bagels, or something...


Cheerios. Yay. photo 2013-07-26192803_zps332cf342.jpg
cart full of Cheerios

Cheerios photo 2013-07-26194138_zps6dde49ad.jpg
ready to load into the car

I double checked myself by looking into Whoopi Goldberg's opinion on The View.  I mean, maybe I was missing something.  And Whoopi has been vocal about media depictions of race for quite some time, so I figured she'd have something to say.  She didn't let me down.

Vintage Pink

Last winter/early spring I was shopping around Nelson County Virginia looking for furniture and I came upon two fabulous shops... The Rockfish Gap Country Store and its sister store Greenwood Antiques and Uniques.

I took these pictures to share with Pink Saturday friends and then didn't get around to posting them, so I thought I'd put them up now.


Pretty Pink at Rockfish Gap Country Store photo 2013-02-17120918_zps92080354.jpg
pretty pinks

I Loved these vases! Aren't they fabulous?

a corner full of treasure photo 2013-02-17120854_zps194aeb79.jpg
a corner full of treasure

I didn't bring any of these beauties home, I was on a specific budget looking for basic furniture to furnish a a mountain house going for a Vermont Ski Country feel.  But I did buy two dressers from this store that found new homes in the upstairs bedrooms (I posted about upstairs bedrooms here ) Now I'm on the look out for a corner piece for the upstairs bedroom, or maybe a desk.  She needs a place to put the feathers and antlers and what not she's always bringing home.  She also needs a place to do homework.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Good Puppy!

this morning I let the dogs out into our fenced back yard.  There is a garden section that is fenced off from the rest of the yard.  The gate was open.  The sprinklers were on.



Have you ever had a dog that enjoyed chasing the hose?  Thalia's favorite thing is to chase a hose.  It is her absolute favorite.  I use the hose to test her attention because she is so excited and focused that she has a hard time listening to her basic commands, sit or down or speak.

The sprinklers are a poor substitute for a hose but for a puppy who loves water and loves to dig the open garden was too much to ignore.

My husband looked out the window over his first cup of coffee to the view of the puppy happily romping through the garden and digging and attacking sprinkler heads.  I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast - he sort of teleported to the deck where he tried to call her in.  I followed him.

Now, we were both barefoot and in our pajamas so neither one of us really wanted to go out into the yard to fetch said rotten puppy.  So I called "Thalia! Here!" and she looked up at me. One more time "Here! Here! here!" and holy smokes that dog left off her destruction and came flying up the steps to me.  Yay!  I sent the husband into the kitchen for a hot dog.  He came back with said treat muttering "that dog just destroyed months worth of work and you are going to give her a hot dog?!? What is wrong with you?"

Yes.  If I'd walked down to the garden I would have grabbed by her collar and proceded to offer the dog a "correction."  However, I didn't.  I called her.  And she stopped her splendid morning fun and responded to the call.  And for that, she gets a hotdog.  Good girl Thalia!

Mathews

My Aunt and Uncle have had a place in Mathews County for years, and I rarely get to go visit.  I am at that point in my life where my kids have activities and my days are all chopped up and frankly it is a little ridiculous sometimes.

But a few weeks ago the two little ones and I made it to my Aunt & Uncle's for a visit.


And I ask myself, really?  Are we really *that* busy that we don't take advantage of this more often? What is wrong with me?

Little Hawk out with my Aunt

Mathews County, Virginia

I told the parents of my daughter's friend about how nice the water is, I've been trying to find a public beach out this way to send them to.  No luck yet.  I think my Aunt & Uncle look out at Mobjack Bay.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Last week-

sometimes you wonder why you ever had children and how you will ever survive raising them.

It wasn't one hundred degrees Thursday (I was expecting it to be) so I decided to take the kids to Water Country.  I bought Little Hawk a summer fun pass earlier this year and that cost $99 or something like that, so I promised myself we'd go to the parks at least 9 times to make it worth it.  Yesterday was our 3rd visit - it is mid July - I'd better get serious about this.

Getting there was a *hassle* MLyons had decided she wanted to cook pizza (from scratch, like make dough) and didn't want to go, Bitsy was happy splashing at swim practice and wanted to stay and play after practice, so it actually took cajoling on my part to get them to leave the pool and go home to go to the water park (why did I buy these ridiculous passes?) along the way Tiger saw is best friend so I signaled that he could invite him - the best friend called his mom who said she had his pass but wouldn't be home until 1PM.  We waited.  Then the best friend showed up at one and said he was so sorry, his mother forgot he had company coming over and he would not be able to go after all.  But that was okay because we'd had time to eat lunch.

Finally we go.
I like Rock n Roll Island because the two littles and I can float around the river, while the older 3 ride a slide and there is a big pool in the center and we are not too spread out.
After a bit we head over to kiddie koral so Little Hawk can take off the life vest and run about.  Then to the wave pool.
I have the two littles and the older 3 are out in the waves (with life vests although they are all good swimmers) and then I decide to go check on them so we are all out in 6 feet of water and I hear MLyons yell "hey that is mine!"   Dragon is taking her life vest.  I order him out of the water.  I pull the littles behind me and go to speak to Dragon.

"What are you thinking?"His face let me know that he feels misunderstood, that he feels that he is being singled out unfairly.

"I saw a life jacket that looked like it would fit me better and I wanted to try it and then M screamed at me."

I'm confused. How does he think M is wrong here?  I try to explain: M was using that life jacket, in 6 feet of water, and you tried to take it.  If I took a life jacket from you in 8 feet of water wouldn't you scream at me? She's about 4 feet tall, you are about 5 feet tall, that is a lot of water even for a good swimmer.
He doesn't see it that way and I'm at a loss.

I turn around to gather my kids back to the kiddie koral and I cannot find Little Hawk.  I cannot find my 3 year old who cannot swim and I'm at the wave pool.  And then I realize I cannot find M either.  I hope they are together.  I send Tiger to the kiddie koral to look for them.  I am scanning the water and at my feet diving in and out of baby waves is Dragon.  I am so angry.  I pull him to his feet and hiss at him, "I was talking to you about not drowning your sister, and while I was doing that I lost sight of your brother and you are frolicking in the water like it is no big deal.  Do you not feel an ounce of personal responsibility? Help me find him!"  I've got a tight grip on Bitsy.

I am scanning the wave pool and cannot find him.  I wade out to the life guard in the water to alert her that I am missing a non swimmer and then I flag down a park employee who calls security for me.  Tiger comes back to tell me they are not at the kiddie koral.  Security wants me to walk over there, I am afraid to leave the wave pool, that is a lot of water but I agree. And I see them.

I have been missing them for maybe 15 minutes.  I am trying not to over react. I am trying not to scare M who says "I couldn't find you so I came back over here.  And I brought him with me."  I don't know how she lost sight of me but she tried to take care of her brother and they are fine...

And this my friends is why I haven't been to the water park in years.

Monday Morning, Coffee & a Book. "A Higher Call"

A Higher Call by Adam Makos
A war story from World War II about American B-17 pilot Charlie Brown and his crew and German Bf 109 Pilot Franz Stigler.

I heard about this book last year while I was Christmas Shopping.  I was in the Barnes and Noble in Merchant's Square shopping for presents and I overheard a gentleman trying to describe this book to one of the salespeople.  The story the gentleman was describing was interesting, a World War II American bomber, in German air space was badly hit and a German Fighter plane came to finish them off, and instead escorted them out of Germany.  Eventually the salesperson was able to track down the title and order the book and I thanked the gentleman for allowing me to butt into his conversation and I went home and Googled "A Higher Call."  There is the Amazon listing of course, and an article in CNN and so I decided to purchase the book for my brother, currently a pilot in the US Air Force.  When the package arrived Thalia, our puppy, tore it open and ripped the cover of the book.  So now it is my book and I finally got around to reading it.

I loved it.
I loved it so much that I declined a social function so that I could finish it.
I believe it is the author's first book and so there a few spots that are not as smooth as they might be.  But the amount of time that must have gone into capturing the pilots' stories, and verify dates, and tracking down facts... well a lot went into this book.

I loved it because the author allowed the men to be human, he didn't glorify them or their lives although did share fun stories that rounded them out as people.  I loved it because he included other people, a mention of an American WASP who Charlie met but didn't keep in touch with just to fill in what kind of guy Charlie was. A story about the boys having a little too much and get into trouble with local authorities.

I enjoyed the insight the book offered regarding Germany, the military being non political, the church taking a stand against the policies of Hitler, the spies within the armed forces forces placed to find those disloyal to the Nazi Party, from the perspective of a German who fought for his country but disagreed with his country's policies.  I think there may be many in armed forces around the world who can relate to that.

But what I most enjoyed was hearing Franz's story.  About flying in Algeria. About looking for enemy pilots and crews after he'd shot them down so he could get them to safety.  Franz makes it sound as though it was common practice among the German pilots to check to be sure enemies were in military hands once they were shot down. Once the fighting was over Germany the bombings against Germany were devastating, the civilians were angry and the pilots did not want them to take matters into their own hands.  In addition there was a difference between the military and the SS.  The pilots wanted to be sure any POWs were in the hands of the military and not the SS.  And then after the war was over, to hear how Franz was treated by his own countrymen.  Because the pilots were despised in Germany after the war and blamed for letting the bombers through.  But by then the planes were in poor shape, there were too few pilots, but of course the country needs someone to blame.  So finally, he left the country he fought for and moved to Canada.  And there, late in life, he was able to get in touch with the bomber pilot, Charlie Brown, that he escorted to safety.  Isn't that an amazing story?

And I would love for more people to read it.  I'd love for it to become a movie, because it is about staying human.  It is about honor.  It is about mercy.  It is a story about not becoming an animal amidst circumstances I cannot image.  It is a story that I feel is needed by our young people shooting zombies on their xboxes and completely missing the point.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Apple Sauce Muffins


Apple Sauce Muffins
Recipe off the Box of Hodgson Mill Oat Bran
to make it vegan replace eggs, we use one TBSP of Flax to 2 TBSP of water per egg, stir the flax into lukewarm water and let it sit on the counter a few minutes

Bake at 400 for about 15 minutes


Very well received by everyone in the family!


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Soccer, Keens and Old Spice

or: harassing my 11 year old son

Several weeks ago my son lost his swim goggles and got the whole "I only buy one pair a year" speech and did a bunch of chores to earn a second pair, which he promptly lent to a friend who lost them.  Luckily he picked a fairly responsible friend who took the loss seriously and so the boys went off to Target together so the friend could purchase my son a new pair of goggles.  Unknown to me my son had a gift card laying about and he took that too.  And bought deodorant.

Yes. My 11 year old used a gift card to buy deodorant. I feel blessed to have a son that showers.

Apparently the deodorant purchase was a big deal.  The friend (a year older than my son) advised him that "Old Spice" was the best and they spent a great deal of time choosing which one to purchase.  Dragon (my son) came home and excitedly told his older brother and I all about it.  "Mom, they have like a wall of different kinds to choose from."  But funny enough he couldn't remember the brand name, so I asked him "was it Old Spice."  yes! He said as if I'd brilliantly answered a trick question.  And I burst out laughing, his enthusiasm was just too much.  "What's so funny?" the boys wanted to know.  So I told them, when I was their age, Old Spice was old guy stuff.  I went to Jr. High in the era of "Polo."  But I conceded that Old Spice had really stepped up their marketing and it was known that they had made inroads with the young men's crowd.

We are Netflix people so the boys had no idea what I was talking about.  So we Googled "Old Spice" commercials.  Hilarious. Truly Hilarious.

Well, a few weeks pass and today was the first day of Dragon's soccer practice.  This is a new team and he is super excited.  So we came home from trying on and ordering uniforms and I looked at the clock and said, "we need to leave in 15 minutes to get M to ballet and then I will take you to soccer, go get ready."  He interpreted this to mean, "go put on deodorant."  In the car I have all the windows down and the air conditioner running and my hand over my nose (no lie) trying to breathe despite all the man smell emanating from my son.  gag. I am not sure how I am going to survive Jr. High.  We drop M off at ballet and as I get back into the car I happen to look at Dragon.  "Um where are your cleats?" He looks at me blankly.

My son is headed to soccer practice wearing his Keens.  No cleats.  No shin guards.  But plenty of deodorant.  I can't quite wrap my head around this and drive him home.  On the way I call his dad, mostly because I just need to share, who is equally speechless.

We get home and in less than 5 minutes Dragon has found cleats, shin guards, appropriate socks, and his soccer ball and filled up a water bottle (he'd first used a coffee mug...)  I keep laughing about the whole thing and my highly mature 12 year old finally says "Mom, knock it off, he is nervous about playing with a new team."  Well obviously, but they don't care what he smells like!  We drove back to practice where he was 20 minutes late, but he looked ready to play soccer.

So here is one for the memory book...

 photo 2013-07-16170711_zps9af10609.jpg
couldn't find a water bottle so he grabbed a travel mug...

and in case you too missed the Old Spice Marketing Blitz:


and better yet... Smell Like A Monster with Grover

Saturday, July 13, 2013

First Sewing Project

My 8 year old decided she wanted to sew.  (I had the machine out and that most likely triggered the idea) I asked her what she wanted to make and we did a bit of back and forth and agreed on what I call a rectangle skirt.  I call it that because basically you cut a rectangle of fabric that is long enough to wrap around the widest part of your waist or hip or leg (where ever you are widest) and the other dimension of the rectangle needs to fall at or above the knee.  You sew a hem along the bottom. You sew a casing at the top for elastic.  You sew the side together, add your elastic and sew the edges, and voila... instant skirt.

So she found some pink fabric downstairs.  And then she decided to get complicated... she added a ruffle... and a ribbon...


 photo 2013-07-12145930_zps20973799.jpg

Sewing the ribbon to cover the seam where the ruffle joins the skirt.


Finished Skirt photo 2013-07-12165053_zpsd7c06ee3.jpg

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I think it is important for my kids to be able to "own" their work, so I did rip out a seam in one spot where it it mattered but other wise, she did this herself.

 

I am linking this post with Beverly's Pink Saturday

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Wintergreen in July

monster mushroom
It is time for the Wintergreen ski team's summer camp in Mount Hood.  My husband and 4 oldest are off in Oregon skiing.  They report that it is unusually warm and Hood has less snow/ice than usual.  But they are having a good time with the team and they've bumped into some of the women who race or have raced on the World Cup Circuit.  Hailey Duke rode the lift with my husband one day.  And Megan McJames another.  But Bitsy, Little Hawk and I are not there.  So we decided to leave the humidity of the Tidewater region and spend a few days in the Virginia Mountains, without snow or US Olympians but we did find unusually large fungi.

Foggy Morning

In the mornings we'd get out for a walk with the dogs.  It was super foggy each day.  Some days it burned off but other days it rained.  Either way, it was pretty.

rocky trail

I'm so proud of these little guys.  Bitsy is 6, Little Hawk is 3.  I regularly drag them out on challenging (for them) terrain or long (3 plus miles) walks with the dogs.  And they just plod along with me.  Sometimes I forget how lucky I am that they are not whiners.






Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Summer Wedding, what to wear?

Ah summer weddings! They are so much fun!

My cousin was married last weekend.  I bought a dress to wear to a wedding.  And shoes.  And a necklace...


Oh but I looked smashing!

Turquoise sheath dress from Talbots photo 2013-07-03070950_zps91b8a0a3.jpg
Turquoise sheath dress
I found the dress at Talbots, it was the only one on the rack, marked down twice... so I crossed my fingers that it would fit and took it into the dressing room.  It did fit! Whew!  (Finding a dress for a 2 PM wedding had me in a tizzy.  I wear black almost all the time.  I love black, it is easy and accessorizes well)  So what to wear to an afternoon wedding when the cocktails start at 5?  Well, this dress totally nailed it.  Not too dressy, not too casual, I felt fabulous!

 photo 2013-07-03071523_zps2697a518.jpg pretty peep toes photo 2013-07-03071637_zpsd7c439a6.jpg

Then it was off to find shoes, initially I thought I wanted white.  But white was not to be found (I was at Ross for Less) nude/tan/kaki however was everywhere... I bought two styles to try with the dress and decided that even thought the other one had ankel straps (very on trend) I'd get more wear out of the espadrilles...  Ross for Less did not have a necklace so we went over to TJMaxx (we= myself and Bitsy)

I was again looking at white but Bitsy had other ideas.  She picked this one and insisted we try it with turquoise.  She was really funny about it and she had the salesgirl cracking up.  But you know she was right.


Leslie Danzis score at TJMaxx photo 2013-07-03071150_zpsc9decf0c.jpg
Leslie Danzis at TJMaxx
My friend loaned me a sweater that went with the shoes but at the last minute I remembered a silk scarf my grandmother had given me when I graduated from college.  Here it is all together:


all together photo 2013-07-03071330_zps4f0bfbcf.jpg
all together now
So, I wanted to buy a bike this summer.  It will have to wait as I've spent it all on clothes.  But I looked fabulous at the wedding :) and we have another wedding in a few weeks so I can wear it all again!

A peak at K's room

Last summer K and I redid her room, there are pictures posted from last August. Which you can see here at "Teen Bedroom" The other day I was bringing something up to her room and decided to snap a couple of pictures with my phone.

I guess they aren't really of her room, they were of her dresser and the things on top of the dresser but the first photo is too dark to use...


teenager's corner photo 2013-06-22160811_zps46d5ab12.jpg
top of her dresser
collections photo 2013-06-22160858_zps3110f577.jpg
a shell collection housed in a mason jar, holds her earrings
artist's desk top photo 2013-06-22161300_zps47fed34d.jpg
recent sketch

I love the little bits of personality peeking out.  The collector, how she is organized and not at the same time, the art she is working on... it is fun to see her emerging into this very neat almost grown person.

She is out of town, when she gets home I want to ask her to consider doing a "how to" video regarding her crayon melt.

crayon melt on board photo 2013-06-22160828_zps45484872.jpg
crayon melt

She did it at her friend's house, they used a hair dryer and old crayons.  Then K started gluing win corks onto it so she could use her stick pins.  She keeps telling me "I need more wine corks mom" yes dear, I'll get right on that ;)

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Metal Mouth

I am still in a bit of shock.  Last April was it, I took Mlyons and Bitsy to the dentist to be told that they each had something like 6 cavities in their teeth and both of them needed an extraction and Bitsy also need what amounts to almost/not quite a root canal. MLyons is 8 years old.  Bitsy is 6 years old.  My kids have had a cavity here and there in the past but nothing, nothing, like this.

So what is different?

Well, I cannot help but wonder, is it our food?
Tim went vegan nearly 2 years ago (it will be 2 years in August.) after reading about Dr. Esselstyn's diet and President Clinton.  After he read Dr. Esselstyn's book he read "The China Study" and decided we all needed to be vegan.  Seriously, read that book, The China Study and you won't eat anything but oatmeal for a week at least.

My friend Marcia is a big fan of Westin Price Foundation and for the past two weeks every time we see each other she has begun our day with a 30 to 40 minute argument about food.  And why being vegan is bad for my kids.  In April 2006 Sally Fallon (who Marcia ascribes to) wrote this article: The Right Price.  I am not, and have never been, convinced that my children need by 100% vegan.  I have argued with my husband that an egg or a fish or soup stock made from bones is something frequently found in the cultures studied by the author of the China Study.  But I never expected to see our children's teeth show such a difference.

So I've been really thinking about what we eat.  First, Almond and Soy milk instead of milk.  (I will not listen to arguments for dairy.  There are so very many people who argue against store ready dairy for so many reasons that unless you are arguing for freshly milked, spring grass, un-pasteurized dairy I'm going to tell you that you do not know what you are talking about.)  However, Tim and the kids preferred the sweetened Almond and Soy milk. (Of course they did right?) So that was kaboshed immediately upon returning home from the dentist in April.  But what about other sugars? And what about pasta? And white rice? Tim loves his Indian White Rice.  He buys it at the Asian Store in Richmond.  We actually don't eat that much pasta these days... but rice. Yeah. We eat a lot of rice.  So I guess I have some research to do.  Does anybody know what the dental health is like in countries that eat a lot of rice?



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9 AM at the hospital
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in her gown, waiting her turn

Because of her age and the amount of work the dentist thought she needed, Bitsy went under general anesthesia on Monday.  (Yes, I did get a second opinion.) And two hours later she was returned to me, decidedly less chipper, with a one tooth extracted and caps on the others...

 photo 2013-07-02080351_zps06d4fd83.jpg
lots of metal in that mouth

Our medical staff was great and Bitsy is recovering well.  So now to find out how to be sure history does not repeat itself...
I have emailed both Dr. Esselstyn's contact email on his website and the contact email on the Engine2 diet website.  I am sure they both receive many emails but I will share what they say, if they respond.

July 3rd, 6:33 PM
*Dude* I just received a phone call, a personal phone call from Dr. Esselstyn.  Holy Crow.  My husband will be so jealous!  He stands by his research.  He believes that a plant based diet should make their teeth stronger however, and this is big I think, he cautions against white flour and refined carbohydrates.  Many people (myself and my husband included) focus on "vegan" not on plant strong and "vegan" meaning noodles and bread is not what Dr. Esselstyn advocates.  I'm so impressed that he called me! And it makes me feel better about food and is a reminder to focus on whole foods.  

here is the thing

You (you each know who you are) think it is about me. You are waiting for me. Wanting me to say "enough."

It is about me, but it is not about me.

Here is the thing:
If you are married, I need you to stop for a minute and go find your spouse.  Look at them for a long hard minute.  Now ask yourself, if someone cut them off at the knees, whether they deserved it or not, what would you do?  Now ask yourself, if someone cut you off at the knees, whether you deserved it or not, what would they do?  Live in that for a minute.  I mean that.  Live in that for a minute, whatever the worst thing someone could do to your spouse might be, the most broken you might find them, imagine that and how you would feel about the person who did that to them.

The worst day of my life was not actually the day I heard what happened.  It was the day I heard who had made it happen.  I sat there, in front of my email, holding me head.  I was literally afraid to let go because I felt like my head was splitting open.  I sat there rocking and whispering "what did you do?"

Not long after that day I went into my husband's office.  It was close to midnight.  He was white, with blood shot eyes and reeked of scotch.  He was frustrated having pounded against doors and people for days only to be made completely aware of how powerless he was in the situation to do anything.  He could stop nothing.  He could fix nothing.  Worse he could not protect me and the situation was completely out of his control.  For two weeks he had not eaten or slept or worked or done anything really except try to find a way to gain control of the situation.  I was functioning barely and only because he was not, and one of us had to function.  One of us had to try to parent regardless of how minimally that may have appeared to the outside world.

I came to find him because I did not want to go to bed alone again.  He turned to look at me with tears streaming down his face and said:

"They are your sisters.  You will forgive them.  But I cannot forgive them.  I do not want them to speak to our family ever again.  Ever Again."

I understood.  If the situation had been reversed I would probably have hopped in my car and dragged his sister out of her house by her hair.  (And likely gone to jail but I would have felt better)

And then he said something that I will never forget. Ever. He looked at me and asked "Can you choose me?  After you forgive them? Will you choose me?"
And I said I chose him.

So until he releases me from that promise.  I will not talk to them.  I have forgiven.  I do forgive.  And when I get angry, I forgive again.  Because I do get angry.  Because the aftershocks are felt in this house everyday.  But I will not forget looking at this man, beaten by his inability to protect his wife and children, and the promise that I made.

So you see,
It isn't about me.
It is about you.
He wants an apology from you.  He wants an apology for doing that to him.  He wants an apology from you because he does not understand why you did not speak to him first.

So yes.  I hear the scriptures when they are read, that if "I have not love, then I am a clanging gong" and I know what I say when I say "forgive us as we forgive those who trespass against us."  I hear them.  But I made a promise.