Monday, February 3, 2014

devastated

damn it all
I spoke on the phone to the veterinary internist today and while she cautioned that Kahn Sol's treatment will get pricey fast, she felt his prognosis was good.  He just needed time and support and then his quality of life would return and for conceivably 3 years.  Later I spoke to our regular vet who was happy with the changes and what was going on.

And then I drove to Wintergreen.
On Friday my husband had taken the 4 oldest kids to SnowShoe WV for ski races, Slalom on Saturday and G.S. on Sunday.  He is flying out for business tomorrow and to make it all work will fly out of Charlottesville so I agreed to haul up there, fetch kids, haul home.
There is a story there but I'll get to it later.

When he finally got there around 8 PM my optimism came crashing down.  I caught him up on my weekend (Snowshoe has bad cell reception) and he looked at me and said, "Cailin, it isn't worth it."  {This is not him being a jerk.  This is him saying, we don't have that much money sitting around and it would be better for our family not to do this.}  I am devastated. I'm usually pretty good at compartmentalizing but this is my dog, my big boy, who crawled up in my bed when I was sick and snuck his head under my head and stretched out next to me so I'd stop shivering.  This is the big dog who sat with me when I couldn't sleep for months on end and pulled me through a very dark time.  This dog deserves to age with support from his family.

I haven't given up yet.  I will see if I have any rocks to over turn tomorrow.
It is midnight, I just got home from bringing the kids back from their ski trip. It was good, a first place in GS, some SL podiums... everybody is happy.  And very big, K beat her dad's time in the GS.  She qualifies that with "there was fog when the masters were running their races" but I think it counts anyway.  Weather conditions are part of competing outdoors.

last Wednesday

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